>THE SECRET OF WINNING PEOPLE IS . . .

1) TO BE DEEPLY CONVINCED, FIRST, OF THE TRUTH OF YOUR PROPOSAL.

2) ENTHUSIASM FOR THE TRUTH AS YOU PERCEIVE IT.

3) NEVER TELLING AN UNTRUTH, BUT LETTING SINCERITY TAKE SUCH DEEP ROOT WITHIN YOU THAT YOUR SIMPLE WORD CARRIES CONVICTION.

4) ADDRESSING ISSUES CALMLY, NEVER EMOTIONALLY OR EXCITEDLY. TO PUT IT OTHERWISE: WHEN TRYING TO PERSUADE SOMEONE, USE ADJECTIVES SPARINGLY.

5) CREATING A RELAXED ATMOSPHERE, FOR TENSION INDUCES RESISTANCE TO NEW IDEAS, WHEREAS RELAXATION FOSTERS RECEPTIVITY.

6) TO PRESENT POINTS OF MUTUAL AGREEMENT BEFORE PROCEEDING TO YOUR CENTRAL THEME.

7) TO REMAIN CALM UNDER ATTACK, AND WITHHOLD RECOGNITION FROM COMMENTS THAT ARE MADE SIMPLY TO OFFEND.

8) TO BE CONVINCED THAT THE OTHER PERSON, TOO, WANTS TO ARRIVE AT THE TRUTH.

9) DESIRING THAT THE TRUTH PREVAIL, AND BEING WILLING TO CHANGE YOUR MIND INSTANTLY, SHOULD THE FACTS OF THE MATTER PROVE YOU WRONG.

10) SEEING YOURSELF AS THE OTHER PERSON’S FRIEND AND WELL-WISHER.

11) PUTTING YOURSELF IN THE OTHER PERSON’S SHOES; CONSIDERING HIS POINT OF VIEW (WHETHER OR NOT YOU REFER TO IT) BEFORE YOU PRESENT YOUR OWN.

12) CONCENTRATING ON THE OTHER PERSON’S NEEDS, NOT YOUR OWN.

13) UNDER-EMPHASIZING THE PRONOUN, “I.”

14) APPEALING TO A PERSON’S ALTRUISM; CONVINCING HIM OF THE UNIVERSAL BENEFITS OF YOUR PROPOSAL.

15) TO REFRAIN FROM MAKING LEAPS OF LOGIC FOR WHICH YOUR LISTENERS ARE NOT PREPARED.

16) HAVING THE PATIENCE TO LET OTHERS COME TO YOUR POSITION IN THEIR OWN TIME. (REFLECT, IT PROBABLY TOOK YOU TIME, TOO, TO ARRIVE THERE.)

17) RESPONSIVENESS TO ALTERNATIVE SUGGESTIONS.

18) HELPING A PERSON TO CONVINCE HIMSELF, AND NOT OVERWHELMING HIM WITH YOUR ENTHUSIASM.

19) TO ENTER INTO YOUR SUBJECT WHOLEHEARTEDLY, WITH FULL CONCENTRATION; MAKING YOUR EVERY WORD COUNT.

20) CREATIVITY AND SPONTANEITY; NOT HOLDING FIXEDLY TO ANYTHING YOU’VE PREPARED TO SAY.

21) MAGNETISM; PROJECTING YOUR CONVICTIONS WITH EQUIVALENT ENERGY.

22) NEVER TO ACCEPT A DEFENSIVE POSITION. IF ATTACKED FOR YOUR IDEAS, COUNTER GOOD-HUMOREDLY, BUT WITH CONVICTION. NEVER MAKE EXCUSES FOR ANYTHING IN WHICH YOU SINCERELY BELIEVE.

23) NEVER BELITTLING THE OPINIONS, HOWEVER UNINFORMED, OF THOSE WHOM YOU ARE SEEKING TO CONVINCE.

24) NOT PLEADING, TO YOUR LISTENER’S DISADVANTAGE, YOUR OWN GREATER KNOWLEDGE OR EXPERIENCE, BUT LETTING CRYSTAL CLARITY BE YOUR SOLE DEFENSE.

25) TO SUPPORT YOUR STATEMENTS WITH QUALIFIED EVIDENCE, AND AVOID SUCH VAGUE CLAIMS AS, “LOTS OF PEOPLE SAY SO.”

26) TO KEEP THE DISCUSSION AS CLOSELY TO THE ISSUES AS POSSIBLE.

27) TO CONCENTRATE ON PRESENTING SOLUTIONS, AND NOT DIMINISH THE ENERGY OF YOUR PRESENTATION BY DWELLING LENGTHILY ON THE PROBLEMS.

28) TO INTRODUCE YOUR POINT EARLY, AND NOT KEEP YOUR LISTENERS IN SUSPENSE, LEST TENSION BUILD UP WITHIN THEM, MAKING THEM RESISTANT TO YOUR IDEAS.

29) IN ANY DIFFERENCE OF OPINION, TO LOOK FOR POINTS OF AGREEMENT, AND NOT RESORT TO CRITICISM OR ACCUSATION.

30) NOT CONCEALING COUNTER-ARGUMENTS, BUT PRESENTING THEM FAIRLY, THEN PLACING THEM IN THE CONTEXT OF A BROADER TRUTH.

31) FORGING LASTING, NOT BRITTLE, BONDS WITH PEOPLE, LEST, EVEN IN VICTORY, YOU LOSE THEIR ESTEEM AND LOYALTY.
THE SECRET OF WINNING PEOPLE, BY J. DONALD WALTERS

A Zen Story

Written For & Inspired by

Steve Cohn

by

Eric Sander Kingston (www.ericsanderkingston.com)

One day a student, who had been seeking a great treasure of silver,
and who had been wandering many, many days, got lost deep in the
forest. No matter what he did he could not find his way out. He just
kept following an old worn out, out dated map. He wandered very far
until he finally came across a wise master who he saw pouring 100 bags
of fine silver into a river that ran along the forests path. When the
master began pouring the last bag of silver into rushing river, the
astounded student ran over crying, “Master, master, why do you pour
this treasure of silver into the river???” The master looked at him
and replied, “All I have are these small bags to carry things in and I
need them to carry something else?” The student replied, “But this
silver is very precious! You may not find anything else like this!”
The master replied, “But you could not even find your way out of this
forest.” The master then sat down. Next to him was dirty brown blanket
that appeared to cover a pile of dirt. The master continued, “You are
lost in the forest because you cannot step away from your old path,
empty your cup, and seek a new path of higher knowledge. By not
letting go of your past habits, and old worn out map, you have been
led in mindless circles seeking only a treasure of silver.” To this
the student replied, “This may be true master, but I am not lost
enough to pour out 100 bags of silver into the river when I see you,
yourself, are poorer than I!” “Am I?” replied the master. The master
then reached over and pulled away the dirty old blanket to reveal, not
a pile of dirt, but a pile of shimmering gold.

Written by,

Eric S. Kingston